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Monday, 18 January 2021
My Perfect Birthday Present Print
Three years ago we were in the ugliest place. Our son was 10 months old, he had been home four months, and he hated me. Or so I thought. The attachment therapist we were seeing at the time explained he was avoiding the attachment process. Even though he was in a foster home before coming home at six months old, he was just not going to “go there” again with another mother.

I was devastated. I spent his naps every day researching and trying to learn what I could do to help him. I spent my nights crying in bed that he was never going to heal; crying that his life would not be a full, healthy and happy one; crying that he would never be able to care for himself or others, crying that he would need to eventually be institutionalized. Okay, much of that was my own grief. But when your child can sit in the corner playing alone for hours, not wanting any contact with you, raging when you are alone with him trying to be a mother, you are not in your right mind.

We spent the next couple years working very hard, seeking professional help, and experiencing the awesome highs and devastating lows of the healing process. There were times I felt we would never get even close to the end of the tunnel. It felt as though life would never be “normal”. Yesterday, however, I felt the proof that our perseverance had paid off. Our son is healing and we are on the other side of that dark and windy tunnel.

Yesterday was my birthday and my husband worked a 12 hour day so it was an uneventful day. After dinner my son was so excited. “Mommy, when is everyone coming?” I didn’t understand and asked him what he meant. He explained that on my birthday everyone has to come over with a cake and sing happy birthday to me so I can blow out my candles. I broke the news to him gently that no one was coming and Daddy had to work late. He was sad. He was sad for ME. I overheard him whispering to his little brother, “Will you sing happy birthday to Mommy with me?” I lit some candles and my son sang to me with the biggest smile on his face and helped me blow out the candles. It was the perfect birthday present. Three years ago I grieved the child I would never have and now I celebrate the happy, healthy, and beautiful little boy he has become. I am so proud of him. The journey to healing was not easy for any of us and especially for him, but it was definitely worth all the hard work and tears. I could not imagine anyone else being my sweet boy.

re: perfect birthday present
Written by Guest on 2007-07-11 16:54:58
I'm crying tears of happiness for you. What a wonderful loving gift and so deserved by you and your son! Marnie
Joshy Bear loves you!
Written by Guest on 2007-07-11 18:42:04
Joshy loves you! 
I know you've spent a lot of time working w/ him and I'm so glad it's all paying off! 
love, Sue
Perfect Gift
Written by Joy on 2007-08-26 19:58:15
That indeed was the best present ever! I wish you all the best.

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